There comes a time in every website’s life when it no longer wants to be at the club every night. When it wants to settle down. Or at least, you know, think about it for a day or so.

Hey, Kari. We’ve been thinking about you. Ever since we found out we were 64% compatible you’ve been all we could think about. That pink background. Those glasses. Don’t pay any attention to @jmoriarty. He’s just mad about what happened at the bar the other night. No, nothing bad. It’s just, well, ladies love a corporation, you know what we’re saying?

We’re sorry we forgot about Valentine’s Day. But we’re gonna make it up to you. Look what we’ve got here, baby. A Dirt Devil Kurv Cordless Vacuum Cleaner. It’s stylish, exciting, and starts with a K. You know what else starts with a K? Us. We see a K and we’re revving like a 9.6 volt motor with a rechargeable battery.

Kari, this Dirt Devil Kurv Cordless Vacuum Cleaner allows you a convenient way to clean up day-to-day spills. Like if we were lying on your couch together, eating crackers. Not that generic kind, Kari. Premium crackers. Before we made it into a pull-out bed we’d turn on this Dirt Devil Kurv Cordless Vacuum Cleaner and vacuum up all the crumbs. Except, you know, for @jmoriarty. He can’t even come into the house once we finish moving in.

Okay, okay, maybe that was a little fast. We’re sorry. It’s just that a fine lady like you, well, a company like us isn’t getting any younger. We need a place for our Easy-To-Empty Bagless Dirt Cup, if you get our meaning. And you’re so stylish. You’re so stylish, you could have been designed by Karim Rashid. In fact, forget those crackers. You should be eating a wonderful gift package of cookies. You don’t even have to share the pretzels with us. That’s how much we care.

We’re not saying you have to decide right now, Kari. We’re just saying, think it over. Talk to your friends. We’re not gonna pretend that there haven’t been others before you. But this time, we think things are different. You’re special. Special like a Dirt Devil Kurv Cordless Vacuum Cleaner. And what other website would tell you that?

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