A doomsday magician never reveals his secrets, because he doesn’t have time.

OK folks, step right up, step right up, don’t be afraid. Don’t mind the chorus of Cherubim and Seraphim proclaiming ruin in the skies behind me, because I’ve got some magic tricks that are really going to rock your world. This three-pack of Doomsday Deck Custom Playing Cards really matches the mood of this day (or rather, this “end-of-days”). The cards’ design by Diamond Jim Taylor is perfectly framed by the river of blood that seems to be surrounding us as I speak.

OK, sir. step right up. Now, I want you to think of a classic Maya b’ak’tun – any Mayan b’ak’tun at all. The 13th b’ak’tun, you say? Good choice – and may we hope the investiture of B’olon-Yokte is indeed at hand. Well, since there isn’t a “13” card, let’s just say you picked the…let’s see…King. Yeah, the King.

Now, I’m just going to shuffle the deck, and…oh crap. All right everybody, please look away for a second while I pick these up. No, that wasn’t a double-backed card – all these sulphur fumes must be causing hallucinations. OK, sir, tell me: Is this your –

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