First his parents gave him access to a camcorder, then they left him alone long enough to make that video? I’ll tell you one thing: by the time my kid’s that age, he’ll know how to handle a lightsaber.

No son of mine is going to be publicly embarrassed like that. If a video of his saber training ever takes the web by storm, it’ll be because his mad Jedi skillz are just so mad and skillful. Maybe it’ll even get noticed by the real Jedis. He’ll be that good.

But I’m a realist. I know you gotta start ‘em young. Or get ‘em blessed by some space god, maybe, but I’m a good Methodist, so that’s out. Until junior shows me he can handle the lethal power of a real lightsaber, he’ll be working out with this two-pack of Dorcy Aluminum LED flashlights.

While the other kids his age are fiddling around with their toys, he’ll be preparing his body, mind, and soul for the epic battle to restore the Republic. The compact size, rubber comfort grip, and 50000mcd-lumens of LED light will give him the solid grounding he needs without any accidental amputations. The random color selection will help him be prepared for the unexpected. I also appreciate that it shines for five hours on one AAA, so I’ll only have to change the battery like twice a day.

Anyway, I know I tend to ramble on about my child-rearing plans. Sorry. I just figure we might as well get that out of the way on the first date.

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