Hi, past self. It’s me. The you of tomorrow. Yes, we have lost weight. We’ve lost a lot of things…

Past self, there are moments in the universe that can change a person’s life. Today’s one of them. You see, when I was where you are now, I was visited by a very different me. That me was happy, and successful, and full of joy. That me had met someone very special while sitting on the grass at the local park. No, it wasn’t on a Saturday, it was on a weekday. Because that future me owned a Duracell myGrid USB Charger which carried roughly 100 hours of backup power, so that future me could power up MP3 players, e-readers, almost anything that has a USB, mini-USB or micro-USB port. That future me could also charge our cell phone with a Duracell myGrid USB Charger, so that future me was able to sneak out of work and handle next month’s conference call in the park. And while in that park, future me met an amazing, attractive, super-rich… well, future me met our soulmate. Who also happened to own an island in the South Seas. And a huge bank account. Which then legally became our bank account as well. Yeah, future me was pretty happy.

But I was stubborn, past self. I said “Hey, I don’t have the cash to drop on a Duracell myGrid USB Charger! And who goes to the park during work hours anyway? I’m not gonna let myself be pushed around by some lazy future me who wants to waste my money!” And so, past self, I didn’t buy a Duracell myGrid USB Charger. And I didn’t go to the park that day. And suddenly, my whole world fell apart. Because now, I was the me in the future that was never meant to be.

Look into my eyes, past self. I’m a broken man. I’m a ghost. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I get fired from every job I take, I almost get run over every time I cross the street. I choke on food, I slip on puddles, birds and squirrels attack me constantly, it’s like the universe itself doesn’t want me around. This isn’t a good life, past me. This isn’t the way it should have been. I shouldn’t have ignored the future me and I should have purchased the Duracell myGrid USB Charger, gone to the park, and been sitting on the grass to meet the person who changed everything for the better.

But it’s not too late for you, past me. Destiny can still be repaired. All you have to do is buy a Duracell myGrid USB Charger right now, and you can be there in the park when our soulmate passes by. The universe will correct itself, and I’ll fade away into, well, nothing, I suppose. I don’t think it’ll even hurt. But I don’t care if it does, past me, because then at least I’d feel something again.

This is your one and only chance, past me. Don’t ruin it for all of us. Don’t make my mistake. Buy the Duracell myGrid USB Charger and find the happiness I threw away. And live, past me. Live every day for me, the us who never will have been.

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