These Dyson vacuums have really cheapened the hobby of pet-hair collecting.

These kids today have no idea what it used to take to build a really good collection. I once drove 400 miles to a convention to buy a wisp of red-sable Pomeranian hair for $60 – and by the time I got there, the dealer had sold it to somebody else for $75. Verbal agreements didn’t mean jack once the money and fur started flying.

Now I can buy a coffee can full of blue-belton Llewellin Setter hair off of Craigslist for five bucks, and the guy’ll throw in all the mocha Siberian cat hair I can carry for free. But where’s the joy?

You used to have to work for it. Now anybody with a Dyson DC25 Full Upright Ball and a couple of pets can flood the market with cheap pet hair. Its Root Cyclone technology and 220 airwatts of constant suction power can fill the easy-empty bin with collectibles in a few minutes. And its maneuverable ball construction and the pair of included tools ensure that not so much as a wisp will escape uncollected. There are no more undiscovered treasures out there. The stories you hear about some collector discovering a clump of white Manx fur under somebody’s couch: those days are over.

Used to be, when you got your hands on some really good hair, you felt like you’d accomplished something. Thanks to the Dyson DC25, nowadays pet-hair collecting is about as exciting as shopping for lightbulbs. And don’t get me started on what it’s done to the value of my collection. How am I supposed to send my kids to college now?

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