We’re not normally in the paranoia business, but check this story out and see if you can still sleep easy tonight: a noted Internet prankster received an unsolicited credit card application in the mail. He didn’t want it, and following the bank’s instructions, he ripped it into little pieces. But he wondered if this was really enough. So he taped it back together, changed the address to his parents’ address, and listed a cell phone number – just the way a real identity thief would if he found the torn-up bits in the trash. Surely, the Internet prankster thought, a major lending institution wouldn’t approve a taped-together application with an unverifiable phone number, right?

He got the chilling answer a month later, when his new credit card showed up at Mom & Dad’s house. We don’t want to use the prankster’s name without his permission, but you can Google “torn-up credit card application” for the whole story.

But hey, don’t fake your own death and run for that compound in the hills just yet. The Fellowes P400C-2 Confetti Cut Paper Shredder will turn your intimate data into confetti, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s meth addicts couldn’t put it together again. With tax season upon us, you’ll probably be sending loads of juicy personal info on its way to the landfill – the Fellowes P400C-2 will slash up to five pages at once into teeny, indecipherable jots of paper. Staples don’t stop it, and its safety features will keep even the clumsiest shlemiel from shredding his fingers.

Think of it like this: you’re in a group of people being chased by a vicious dog. You don’t have to be faster than the dog, just faster than the slowest member of the group. When the credit-stealers come a-prowling and find your trashcan full of confetti, they’ll move on to a less vigilant target. We’re all being pursued by the hounds of fraud, but the Fellowes P400C-2 is the rocket sled that will keep you ahead of the pack.

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