Face front and listen up, GeCube X1600PRO Hypermemory 256MB Dual DVI PCI Express Video Card! You may have thought you could pull the wool over the American taxpayer’s eyes, but I’m here to let you know this citizen is on to you. You can fool some of the people all of the time. You can fool all of the people some of the time. But you can’t fool me, ever! My crusade for truthitude will only end when they pull my keyboard out from under my cold, dead fingers!

Now, I don’t have a problem with your 90-nanometer process GPU or your 256MB Hypermemory to 512MB – those are fine video-rendering qualities that any upstanding, star-spangled video card would be proud of. We applaud your Avivo technology that allows excellent image fidelity with projectors and TVs, such as the ones watched by our fine young men and women in uniform. No, my beef is with the lie, the fib, the sheer untruthitude of your very name. Where’s the “cube” in GeCube, sir? Anyone who hasn’t been blinded by the mainstream media can easily see that you’re not cube-shaped at all! You’re more of an irregular rectangular prism or something. I don’t know what you think you’re pulling the wool over, but it isn’t my eyes!

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