Do you still buy “backup” Hong Kong DVD releases of current theatrical movies? Are you fed up with the spotty quality and long download times of the latest torrents? Have the ushers at the local movieplex gotten better at spotting your bulky VHS camcorder, even when it’s hidden in that secret compartment in your pants?

Meet the Hitachi DVD Camcorder, aka “the Bootlegger’s Friend.” This handy cam records directly to high-resolution DVD format, for a theater experience so real you’ll reflexively wipe the popcorn butter off of your fingers. (The video quality is almost as high as miniDV tape, but of course "almost" is a subjective term.) Combining an 25x optical zoom with a 1200x digital zoom, the Hitachi DZ-BX35A features both DVD-RAM rewriteable technology and DVD-R Write Once technology so you can record right onto DVD discs. Your “backup copies” will be for sale on streetcorners across Manhattan faster than you can say “Dan Glickman.”

Sure, you can also use it to record precious moments like little Tommy’s first dose of Ritalin, or that family trip to Grover Cleveland’s boyhood home. And they’ll be preserved in optimum digital clarity for time immemorial, or until the next cutting-edge video format comes along (ETA: 2008). But hey, wasn’t real life boring enough the first time around?

NOTE: Woot does not condone the theft of intellectual property, so don’t call us for bail money if you get busted. Joking about the theft of intellectual property, on the other hand, is fine by us.