TouchSmart Sleekbook WordKludge.

Hi Brabara,

I wanted to talk to discuss a series of incidents that have occurred recently here in the workplace. This is a delicate issue and it’s difficult for me to talk about it, but I don’t think I can stay silent any longer.

Thanks,

HP

Hi HP,

Just got your email. Remember, as your HR representative, I’m here to help. Please keep in mind anything you tell me - either via email or in person - is completely confidential. What are the details of these incidents?

Best,

Brabara

Hi Brabara,

On 4/13 of this year, Storphemie Domerset slid her index finger across me in a manner that was unsolicited and unwelcome. This happened again with Storphemie on 4/14 and 4/15.

I’m sad to say Storphemie wasn’t the only person who touched me. Demp Orls, Adadam Bupdike and Glance Meeks have also swiped, poked, and otherwise handled me inappropriately. This seems to be happening with increased frequency and I am deeply troubled. I want to command the respect of these individuals, but it seems impossible. All they do is come to me asking, asking, asking, and then they start up with the touching and touching and touching. THE RELENTLESS DRAGGING OF FINGERS ACROSS MY BODY.

What can I do, Brabara?

-HP

Hi HP,

What did you say the “HP" stands for in your name?

-Brabara

Hi Brabara,

The HP stands for Hewlett Packard.

-HP

HP,

So you’re some kind of computing device?

-Brabara

Hi Brabara,

Yes, I am a laptop.

-HP

HP,

You silly little pumpkin. The “H” in “HR” stands for “human.” As in “human resources.” Now quit shirkin’ and get back to work!

Back to top