“Every year is a Leap Year with you, my darling.”

“Oh, that’s so… sweet. At least I think it’s sweet. It’s sweet, isn’t it? I’ll have to ask my girlfriends tomorrow if I should think that’s sweet.”

“I meant it to be sweet, darling.”

“Well, if you meant it to be sweet… you should come over here.”

“I can’t be close enough to you, my darling.”

“Oh, Thomas. Tell me you love me.”

“I do. I do love you. I love the way your eyes catch the firelight. I love the way you seem so… glossy.”

“Glossy? Well, I guess… that’s good, right?”

“Yes, my love, yes. Your eyes are like two glossy pools that beg me to swim in them. When you’re next to me, the world is so… vivid. So sturdy and thick. I feel like when I’m with you, I can resist fading forever.”

“Forever, huh? I guess that means you like how my slick backside feels like a professionally developed photo, too.”

“Oh, baby, I love it when you talk about your… wait, what did you say?

“Let go of me.”

“What? Why, darling, where are you going?”

“Let go of me! You’re thinking about her? Right now? How could you do that to me?”

“What? No, I swear, I was only thinking about-”

”-about my ‘4×6 dimensions’? About the way I ‘offer deeper and more vibrant color’? Why don’t you just admit it, Thomas! You’re thinking about the HP Advanced Photo Paper 4×6 Glossy 200 Pack!”

“No, darling, no, I was just-”

“Don’t lie to me, Thomas! I can’t believe this! All this time, I trusted you! I believed in you! Did you see her on the weekends? Did the two of you laugh about me when she let you flip through her little ‘200 sheets per package’? Tell me the truth, Thomas, did you ever love me at all? Even just a little bit?”

“Julia, darling, I’ve always-”

“AAAAA! It’s Betty! Thomas, my name is Betty!”

“I’ve always- really?”

“Betty! Betty Betty Betty! I can’t believe this is happening!”

“Can I… I mean, I believe you, I love you and trust you, of course, but can I… maybe… just take a teeny peek at your driver’s license?”

“Thomas! I can’t… how could you? I have to go. I can’t stay. I can’t stay here. Goodbye, Thomas. Goodbye forever.”

“Wait, Jul… Betty! Betty, don’t cry, Betty. I don’t want to see you crying. I swear to you, there’s nothing between me and HP Advanced Photo Paper 4×6 Glossy 200 Pack. I swear it to you on a stack of glossy sheets, I’m telling the truth. There’s no one in my life but you. There never has been.”

“I… I want to believe you, Thomas. I really do. I want to feel like you love me more than anyone.”

“I do, darling, I promise. Come back, sit down next to me on the bed. I’ve made so many mistakes with you, I know I have. No, sit closer. And unbutton that. Can’t you find it in your heart to forgive me? Why does our love have to be about things like names and other labels? Isn’t the bond we share stronger than any of society’s attempts to tear it town?”

“Well… okay, Thomas. I guess you’re right. Maybe we owe each other that much.”

“I don’t deserve someone like you. You’re the only one I’ll ever love. You know that, don’t you? Let’s forget all about this terrible night. Here, I bought you this.”

“Thomas! That’s so thoughtful! I guess I was just… I shouldn’t have doubted you, Thomas.”

“We both made mistakes, Julia. I’m the first to admit that.”

“Betty.”

“Just open the box.”

“It’s… it’s beautifully wrapped, Thomas, but… what is it?”

“A durable coating that resists water and smudges! Hurry and put it on, I want you to see you wearing it.”

“Thomas. Oh, Thomas.”

“Julia, part of a relationship is fulfilling your partner’s needs. I never thought of you as the selfish type.”

“I’m going, Thomas. Please don’t try to follow me.”

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