Wow, man. Gettin’ marrHICied at last, huh? Let me give you some BURRRP advice.

Man, you… I mean, this is your first hic first marriage, right? But I’ve like had… six. If you count that time in Vegas. And some people… some people might say it was my fault, because.. listen, I gotta sit down. Or I might fall down. But- whew, that’s better. Anyway, what was I… oh, right. Divorce. Six wives, you know. Took everything but my HP Pavilion Elite Quad-Core i7 Desktop with Blu-ray over there.

No, wait! This is your happy day! Because a woman is like a… you know how free you feel? Well, give that up, man, because after you get married… I mean, you love her and all but… well, imagine you want to watch a Blu-Ray on the HP Pavilion Elite Quad-Core i7 Desktop, right? And today, you can! So awesome too! that Quad-Core processor will be… was that your beer or mine? That was your beer? Are you sure? Hey, let’s get you… let’s get you a new beer. A NEW BEER FOR THE MAN OF THE HOUR! HUH? GETTIN’ MARRIED TODAY! YEAH!

So, you open up that 15-in-1 Memory Card Reader and you’re like “hey, I want to burn this file using the Lightscribe reader!” and she’s like “No, we have to go see my parents!” and you’re like “Parents? I’m only thirty five, that’s too much responsibility at my age!” and she’s like “Well, my dad said he wants to show you his new pool table” and you’re like “DON’T SMOTHER ME WHERE’S THE GIRL I MARRIED I NEED FREEDOM” and then, you know, all of a sudden she’s got a lawyer and it’s your fault somehow and- whoa, is this light beer? What, did the clerk make a mistake or something?

Anyway, man, I know you think you love her, but you should just HIC jump in the car with me and my HP Pavilion Elite Quad-Core i7 Desktop with Blu-ray and we can hit a strip club. Trust me, there’s room for 1.5 TB of data on this hard drive, you know what I’m saying? You don’t need to waste your time on… oh, yeah, that’s me, I ordered that pizza. What? The ceremony’s not for five minutes, that’s plenty of time to gobble down a slice! Man, she’s ALREADY changing you, and you don’t even know it! Just run, man, run! Email her using the 802.11 b/g/n card and tell her you couldn’t take it! If she really loves you she’ll understand!

Okay, well, if you’re really sure, then I guess… oh, man, the room’s spinning… I’m gonna… I’m gonna…

...whew, man, that feels better. Guess I got room for another now. Hey, sorry about your pants, but it ain’t the first time, right? And at least the HP Pavilion Elite Quad-Core i7 Desktop with Blu-ray’s safe. Listen, no big deal, just do a kegstand with me, you won’t even remember the stain. Because a marriage is like a HP Pavilion Elite Quad-Core i7 Desktop with Blu-ray, but a best friend… dude, a best friend is like LIFE, right? And that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, buddy. You and me, we’re together forever.

And that’s why I got you this. Open it BURRRP up! That’s right! It’s a ticket! For me! I’m going with you on the honeymoon! I didn’t get a room, though, can I crash with you? Let’s make a pact, whoever hooks up first, they put a sock on the door, just like college. Man, weren’t those days the best? Hey, you think the game’s on yet?

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