Look, we’re all for opposable thumbs and whatnot. But if all that separates us from the animals is the ability to slop our household filth around the floor with a rag on a stick, we’re heading back to the trees. We’re human beings, for the love of Darwin! We’ve tamed the mightiest rivers, reached into the void of outer space, banished seeds from the watermelon! After thousands of years of cultural advancement, why are we still stuck with the lowly, messy, back-breaking mop?

Ask the Scooba and it’ll tell you: we’re not! (Note: product does not literally speak.) The classic human gift for avoiding work has produced obedient mechanical servants to prep, wash, scrub, and dry our scuzzy floors with a minimum of human oversight. With dozens of sensors to keep it in line, the Scooba picks up the dry dirt, dispenses cleaning fluid, scrubs up the wet dirt, and squeegees away the whole mess – when was the last time you did the same? The rechargeable battery runs for up to 80 minutes at a time, plenty long for a standard-sized kitchen. It works on any flooring except carpet (duh), unsealed wood, or laminate wood floorings like Pergo – but only jerks have floors like that anyway. And no other floor-cleaning tool gives you the sense of power and mastery that comes from bidding a robot to do your, uh, bidding. Now this is what being the most intelligent creature on Earth is all about!

But wait – what’s this? Turns out we still have to add clean water and cleaning fluid each time we use it, and dump the water afterward. And we have to do it by hand, even. Sigh. Still, the Scooba is the easiest way to get the grime off the floor – at least until somebody invents a Scooba-fluid-and-water-changing robot.

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