Dear Miss Twocents,

I’m writing you because I find myself in a sensitive situation that I’m not sure how to handle. I’ve been with my JBL Radial High-Performance Loudspeaker Dock for iPod for about two years, and things are going great. We get along really well. We’ve got a lot in common. We’re even talking about marriage. My family really likes her, and she does a good job of putting up with them. All’s well, it seems – except for one thing.

Several times now, the JBL Radial Loudspeaker has told me that my Dad is acting in ways that make her uncomfortable. Long, lingering looks. Repeated remarks about her rich, full 360-degree sound field and down-firing low transducer. Once, when she had an iPod in her docking station, he made a crack about how he was jealous of that lucky iPod. And at Thanksgiving, when they happened to be in the kitchen alone together, she thought he was reaching over to fondle her inputs. Luckily, I walked into the room before that happened.

What should I do, Miss Twocents? I don’t want to offend my Dad. But I also don’t want to lose my JBL Radial High-Performance Loudspeaker Dock for iPod. Please, help!

Desperate Over Parental Improprieties

Dear DOPI,

While it may seem like your father is being deliberately inappropriate, your significant other has to understand that some men of a certain age cannot resist her outstanding features, rich sound, and stylish design. You can speak with your father about it, but my sense is that that will only result in hurt feelings and broken promises. Even if he says he’ll stop, I’d expect him to keep staring at her dual left and right tweeters, or perhaps brushing discreetly up against her stereo mini-jack connection.

The way I see it, you have three choices. You can kill your father, which presents a whole new set of problems. You can move somewhere far away. If you’re thinking about South Florida, let me know – I have a condo down there I’ve been trying to get rid of ever since the market tanked. Or you can leave your speaker and find an uglier, worse-sounding one. All three choices are difficult. Only you can decide which one is right for you. The bottom line is, it really sucks when somebody in your family turns out to be a pervert.

Hope this helps -

Miss Twocents

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