Don’t mind the doormat. It’s court-ordered.

Oh wow, I tell you what it’s so great to have so many people show up for my little housewarming! Oh, Jane, you didn’t have to bring wine! I said no presents! Well, thank you very much. I really appreciate it.

Oh, that? Yeah, that’s a Kikkerland Jolly Roger Door Mat. Well, I sort of have to have it on my doorstep in accordance with the conditions of my parole. Well, because traditionally the jolly roger symbol has stood for danger: pirates, poison, um…other dangerous P words, maybe. Anyway, the point is anyone seeing that symbol knows they’re in for a fatal dose of something.

Well, that’s in the past and I’d rather not discuss it. Besides, it’s really only between me, the State of New Mexico, and the FBI. Now whaddya say we crack open this wine?

Back to top