Jessup doesn’t trust any of these tiny little cameras. Everyone else thinks they’re all the rage, but not Jessup.

No way, Jessup says, “Point not your little robot eyes at me!” Jessup doesn’t want to be some big star! Jessup doesn’t want his image burned forever into a SDXC card, doesn’t want to be featured in some future propaganda film when our supposed “friends” with lenses rise against us!

And this JVC Everio HD Camcorder has got to be the scariest of the lot. I mean, heck, it can analyze your face! Supposedly it’s just measuring the brightness, color, distance and such to automatically select the best settings for the scene, but Jessup’s smarter than that. Jessup’s got deep, dark secrets woven through his graying whiskers and Jessup doesn’t need some telepathic camera blackmailing him, no sir! As for its ability to record HD video that’s ideal for Web sharing, all Jessup hears when you say that is, “Great for feeding the clearest and most detailed footage to the digital overlord known as World Wild Web of lies!”

What’s next, a camera that can speed up time? Oh wait, this little devil already makes that ludicrous claim! It’s got time lapse technology so that you can condense hours worth of movement into just a few seconds. Well, if you ask Jessup, this life already moves too fast! We don’t need some camera to take our hard work and make it appear to be nothing more than a series of blips and flashes!

That’s why Jessup says, “No thank you!” to the JVC Everio HD Camcorder. You can buy one if you like, but count poor old Jessup out!

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