Some people need a giant cup of coffee each morning. The Kalorik 10-Cup Combination Coffee Maker/Grinder can handle giant needs.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who drank a lot of coffee. Like, a LOT of coffee. His name was Jack, and he lived alone in a house he carved from a giant’s skeleton. He also had become very paranoid, now that he had concrete proof that there was a race of sky giants high above us, and so he used the Kalorik Magic Bean 10-Cup Coffee Maker with Built-In Burr Grinder to stay awake 24/7.

Each day, Jack would use the built-in grinder to grind his beans to whatever level he wished, then let the automatic drip coffee maker brew up to ten cups of coffee, which he would then drink, all in one sitting. If the magic harp tried to stop him, he would shout at her, and threaten to sell her for scrap. Of course, the harp was not afraid of this, because even the scrap collector knows what a magic harp looks like, and who’s not going to scrap a magic harp? Everybody knows that a magic harp would go straight to Amazon Marketplace! So the harp knew she’d be fine, even though she did so worry about Jack.

The final straw was when Jack tried to add dander from the Golden Goose to his coffee in order to give it an extra kick. “Quack, quack! You’re an addict!” said the Golden Goose as he ran from the house. But Jack was beyond listening. He merely held his Kalorik Magic Bean 10-Cup Coffee Maker with Built-In Burr Grinder tightly, and closed the door on the world.

And the neighbors asked themselves, was that thunder? Or the sound of a giant’s vengeful laughter echoing in the hills?

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