All my life, they said I’d never make it to the big leagues. But with determination, persistence, and a massive, concentrated caloric intake, I will be a pro wrestler.

I’ve got a signature move: boxing the other guy’s ears. I’ve got a name: the Ear Whacker. I’ve got an oversized novelty q-tip to fight off hostile managers, valets, and hypemen. I’ve even got an earwax-colored satin robe. Now all I need is about 150 more pounds and I’m ready to start slamming faces into the turnbuckle. And my tag-team partner in this brawl against fitness is the Kitrics Digital Nutrition Label Scale.

Most people use it to help them lose weight. Not me. When I tell this scale what kind of food I’m weighing, and it displays an at-a-glance summation of calories, fats, carbs, proteins and other nutritional information just like you see on food packages, I’m looking to put on unsightly pounds. It’ll even total up my daily nutritional intake, and let me add up to 99 entries to its database of nearly 1,000 foods. At this rate, I’ll bloat up to ring weight by the end of summer. I just hope my robe still fits. You have any idea how hard it is to find earwax-colored satin?

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