FORT COLLINS, COLORADO: In a late afternoon press conference, General Cuddly P. Widdlebits curtly denied that the LaCrosse Technology WT-2171U Digital Atomic Alarm Clock compromised national security. General Widdlebits admitted that the WWVB radio signal from Fort Collins made sure that the LaCrosse Technology WT-2171U Digital Atomic Alarm Clock always was precise and on time, even when used in concert with the 8 minute rest granted by the snooze bar, but that at no time did the signal fall into, as he put it, “the wrong hands”. “Big business,” Widdlebits explained in a prepared statement,” is important to the freedom of America. An item like the LaCrosse Technology WT-2171U Digital Atomic Alarm Clock is made for the businessman on the go. You can even pick the time zone you want, no matter if you are in liberal New York City or liberal San Francisco. But make no mistake. The alarm shows up in the lower right, I’ll say it again, lower right corner of the LCD.” Despite clear “Made In China” sticker on the box, Widdlebits flatly denied that the LaCrosse Technology WT-2171U Digital Atomic Alarm Clock was a result of leaking technology to the Chinese but did not rule out a possible run for the presidency. MORE AS IT DEVELOPS

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