KERRRASH! KTSHHH-KRAK! Even through the castle’s thick stone walls, the clamor of the rampaging mob outside the gates was almost deafening. “Sire! We must flee!,” insisted Larubio, frantic with terror. “The people are in full revolt! Your Highness is no longer safe inside -”

The King turned away from fiddling with his LiteOn DVD Recorder to interrupt his sweaty valet. “You dare presume to order Renaldo XIV about like a commode-wench?” he haughtily sniffed. “Long you have been a trusted advisor, but mind your place.” After one more arching of an eyebrow just to keep Larubio on his toes, the King resumed his fixation on the DVD recorder. “Whatever unpleasantness is occurring, I’m sure the palace guards will swiftly dispose of the malcontents.”

“But Your Majesty, the guards have mutinied and joined the – ”

“Hey, check this out: this thing records to either DVD+R/RW or DVD-R/RW discs,” the King blurted distractedly. “Not only that, but it’s got a built-in TV tuner, a whole bunch of different kinds of connection ports, and the ability to play audio CDs and MP3 discs. Extraordinary. Truly extraordinary.”

Clearly, the monarch was out of his mind. Larubio made one last attempt to bring him to his senses. “Actually, sire, it’s pretty ordinary these days when it comes to DVD recorders. Now we must flee, or else our heads will be hoisted atop poles in the town square by nightfall, our flesh torn by ravens and dogs. We are going to die today, Your Majesty, unless we run. Now.”

But Renaldo XIV had heard enough. “Dammit, man, don’t you understand?” he yelled. “I am a king! The chosen regent of the Sun God! If the people shall topple me, so be it. I should sooner die at their hands than walk among them! For one accustomed to the LiteOn DVD recorder’s one-touch convenience and versatile media options, to live on without it would be a fate worse than death!”

GRUH-BOW! KLA-PAKKK! It sounded as though the mob had torn through the castle’s front gate. “Then I ask His Majesty to excuse me from service, that I may avoid death at the hands of the mob.” Larubio could hardly speak, so rigid was he with terror.

But the King just laughed. “Nonsense! The LiteOn DVD Recorder shall remain by my side throughout this ordeal, and I expect you shall as well, even unto the very end. Now, what do you want to watch? I’ve been recording 30 Rock all season, and I have to say that all those jokes about Tina Fey being unattractive are well mistak-”

Heavy golden goblet at hand, Larubio silenced the King with a quick blow to the royal head. Loyalty was one thing, but Larubio was damned if he’d lounge around giggling at a sitcom while the executioner approached. He scampered out of the king’s quarters, muttering a quick prayer that he be delivered safely from the mob. BRABLAMAKRSHH!

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