We need to talk to you about this sick, mutually abusive relationship you’re in. That’s right: we mean the twisted tryst between you and your keyboard. You prod it, poke it, lean on it, keep it tethered up like an unwanted dog, knock it to the floor in your gin-soaked carousings. If you’re lucky, your keyboard will only retaliate through insubordination, tripping up your work like the evil clown in The Sims. Truly abusive keyboards employ biological warfare, periodically releasing viruses and bacteria cultivated on the bounty of food particles and bodily fluids encrusted between its keys.

We can’t stand to see you like this. You two have had some laughs, but it’s just not healthy for either of you to keep going on like this. Admit it: it’s time to get up, get out, move on.

This Logitech Cordless Desktop Keyboard and Optical Mouse can give you the fresh start you need. The keyboard’s got all the specialty controls you want (audio volume, one-touch browser launch, etc.), and the cordless mouse lets you works smoothly almost any surface. It’s all wireless, so fret not at messing up your desk’s narrow workspace, but sit blithe and happy.