With a Cluck-Cluck Here

Well, it’s happened again. It’s after dark, the pantry’s empty, and I’ve got a powerful urge for some chicken dinner.

It’s just me out here on the old family farm since Janine moved out, so I don’t keep many birds in the henhouse anymore. Just enough so that I can choke a chicken when I get that familiar hankerin’. That’s the most humane way, y’see. Chokin’ ‘em. It ain’t pretty, though, I tell you that.

Time was, I had plenty of help out here, and any chicken-chokin’ would be a hired hand job. Not anymore, though. These days I’m on my own. And handling barnyard fowl can be tricky, especially when you’re doing it solo. You should have seen me out beside the coop a week ago, tryin’ to hold onto the old cock and pullet at the same time! They’d gotten loose, see. I finally wrangled ‘em, but not without spilling seed just about every which way.

That’s why I appreciate a labor-savin’ gizmo like this Forever Flashlight. I don’t have to worry ‘bout keepin’ a supply of batteries from the general store. I just rely on elbow grease—of which I’ve got enough to equal any man. I yank it up and down like I’m churnin’ butter, and that generates the juice for up to five minutes of nice, bright light.

Yep, it’s kind of a nasty chore, this. I’ll be the first to tell you that we farmers don’t enjoy choking our chickens. But a fella’s gotta do it.

Mmm, I can almost smell that savory bird now, with carrots and potatoes. Nice and tasty! The secret’s in the basting, friend. I’m a master baster.

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