I don’t know who you are, but I’m onto you. I know you’re not really my son. Oh, the resemblance to the real Jared is uncanny. The haircut is exactly right, the eyes are the right shade of blue, and those are even the same clothes I laid out for him this morning. Nice job. Anybody who doesn’t know Jared as well as I do would be fooled. But I know the score. For some reason, somebody has replaced all of my loved ones with inexact duplicates. Again.

Well, it’s a good thing I bought two of these Global HK-TF2005A Radio-Controlled Helicopters for Jared’s birthday. Since you look so much like Jared, I assume you’d enjoy this ultra-light microcopter as much as he would. Their tri-band technology minimizes interference from other devices, and their auto-stable features keep them flying upright. With their durable construction, I think they’ll even withstand crashing into the ceiling fan. Remember how you broke your little wooden glider like that?

Liar. You can’t possibly remember. You weren’t here, you impostor. That was the real Jared.

Or was it?

Anyway, I don’t know who you’re working for or why you’re here, little boy – if you are actually a little boy. But since Jared isn’t here, you might as well take one of these Global HK-TF2005A Radio-Controlled Helicopters. If you know where they’ve taken Jared, see that he gets the other one.

What? No, I haven’t taken my Crolazor today. How did you know about that? Have you been talking to Jared?

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