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I like to party! I can get it on with friends, talking smack over my LIVE connection with my various homies and… uh, hermes. Or else I’ll veg out with whatever movies or TV shows I feel like watching, streamed from Netflix’s selection of like 15,000. Or else I’m playing new games. I play all the best games, man. And I play them with customized soundtracks from my personal music collection. Two words, sucka: Yakkety. Sax.
I’m not a bad dude—I just like to have a good time. So why do people always got to be giving me static? ‘Slike, I can’t even show up at an online store without some joker bein’ all “look out! RED RING OF DEATH!” Everybody’s got issues in their past. But man, that’s over. I’m trynna put all that behind me. I’m warranteed against that now.
But now I hear this dude in Illinois wants to bring a suit against me. And OK, I been to court before. I know that routine. I been there for overheating. I been there for the Fall Dashboard update fiasco. I been there for Xbox Live outages in 2007, and I been there for some bull about scratching people’s discs. Have you ever been to court? It suuuucks. It’s all formal, and you can’t say the wrong thing. That’s not my style, dawg; I’m a party guy. I like to hang out, you know? I mean, I’m equipped with multi-channel surround sound output, and you want me to sit in the courtroom and be quiet? That ain’t right.
Plus, whenever I go to court, I always feel like I’m being judged. It’s screwed up.
I’m like, look: I’m chill. You want to hang out, watch some movies, play some games, connect with friends, that’s cool; let’s kick it. You know I straight up bring the entertainment in hi-def, with every single Xbox 360 title supporting 720p minimum, and up to 1080p. I got the smooth anti-aliasing, awesome sound, everything. We’ll have a awesome time, f’rill.
And I stick by my friends, you know? The important thing is trust. I’m gonna open myself up to you 100 per cent, brand new out of a retail box, OK? This is where I’m coming from. And if we have problems, hey, we’ll get through them. I know I have my hangups just like you probably got yours. But I’m bringing a one-year Microsoft Warranty into this relationship, plus the Red Ring of Death Warranty, so you know that whatever it is, I’ll try to work it out with you.
Just hear this, though. If you betray me? If you take me to freakin’ court? That’s it, man, I am through with you forever.
Xbox 360 with Controller
60GB Hard Drive
HDMI, A/V, USB, and Ethernet Connections
Xbox 360 Controller
Retail Box
Warranty: One Year Microsoft, 3 Year Red Ring of Death
Features:
Specifications:
In the box:
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