Alright, pledges. We didn’t get those nerds from Engineering to rig up this sucker up for nothing.

For worthless pledges, you’ve done pretty well to get this far. But if you want to join Rho Episilon Zeta, you gotta master the art of the single most important thing you will learn your entire college careers. That, gentlemen, is drinking in largely unsuccessful yet highly comical ways.

Now, a lot of other, more inferior frats lower themselves to things like “The Keg Stand” or “Beer Pong”. AMATEURS. These frats have lost their mettle, their grit. We have cleverly invented a new way of embarrassing ourselves. We like to call it “The Beer Sprinkler”.

Propelled through this simple garden hose via high powered air compressor and connected by ergonomic swivel coupling, we will shoot sweet amber nectar from this Nelson 360 Degree Pulsating Sprinkler. You, as our no-good rotten pledgies, will stand in a circle ‘round the sprinkler from a distance of approximately 90 feet away. With your beer steins, you will attempt to catch these shots of beer as the sprinkler spins in 360 degrees around its one pound weighted Rezimar oval base and drink them. If you can not catch the beer with your glasses, then you must catch it with your body, whether by mouth or by shirt. Those of you who miss will have to face The Bean Slammer. I assure you, this is not something you want in your future.

Now then, smile pretty, boys. We’ll be photographing this event for the Facebook page. We wouldn’t want any of you ever running for public office, now would we?

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