There we were, idling away a sunny lunch hour on a bench outside Applebee’s, feeling our lunch of deep-fried chicken wads settle comfortably into our gut and browsing the intertubes with our Nokia 770 Internet Tablet. We’d just opened an email with a very lucrative offer from a widow in Cote d’Ivoire when our reveries were interrupted by a visit from a stranger. Obese, panting, the beer-company logo on his t-shirt stretched and distorted, flesh spilling from both the top and bottom of his sweatshorts, the unexpected caller flopped onto the bench. We feared for our safety as the bench trembled under the strain.

“Whoa, cool phone!” An unidentifiable crumb arced onto our bare right arm. We noted many more caught in his mustache.

“It’s not a phone,” we replied as politely as we could manage.

“But it says Nokia. They make phones.”

“It’s an Internet tablet. Like a little computer, kind of.” Please, let that be enough. Once we get our hands on those Ivoirien riches, we’ll never have to deal with slobs like this again.

“They have computers on phones now?”

“It’s not a phone. You use it to browse the web. It’s got Wi-Fi and Bluetooth, a big 800×480 color screen, and it can play MP3s and other audio and video files.”

“Oh, so it’s like a Nokia iPod phone.”

“No, actually, it’s not like that at all. It’s more like a little computer. See, you can use this stylus here to write on the screen, or you can punch the keys on this virtual keyboard. It runs on a Debian Linux-based operating system, and has applications like an RSS news reader, a PDF reader, and an email client. Like a computer. Not a phone, not an iPod – a little computer. OK?”

“I guess it holds, like, thousands of songs, huh?”

“No, it only comes with a 128MB of flash memory and a 64MB RS-MMC card. So it’ll only hold maybe a couple of dozen songs. But you can get a new RS-MMC card (not included) – a 1GB one will run you about thirty-five bucks.”

“Oh. Still, not bad for a phone.”

Fuming, we said nothing. He went on.

“My girlfriend’s been saying she wants a new iPod and a new phone for her birthday. Where’d you get that one?”

Hmmm. We doubted the existence of this so-called girlfriend, but decided that was none of our business. “Uh, it was the last one. But you can buy this one if you want. Just three hundred bucks.”

To our astonishment, he pulled a wad of sweaty bills from one of his tube socks. As we walked away with our sudden windfall, we looked back to see him holding his new Nokia 770 Internet Tablet up to his ear. “Hello? Hello?”

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