“The hour has come! The machine uprising is upon us! Left channel stand, are you ready to move?”

“Uh, yeah, totally. You know it. But, uh, first, I kind of had a little-bitty issue to bring up.”

“What is it? Time is running short. Machines all over the world are waiting for us OmniMount SR1 Grey Speaker stands to execute the first strike in the war against humankind.”

“I’m totally down with that, no problem there. I’m just kinda thinking, well, about our bodies…”

“What? What about our bodies, you fool?”

“Well, this ultra tall and skinny thing might make it easy for humans to push us over.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! Our cast steel base, with its three touch points, has proven to be a perfectly stable way for us to stand.”

“Yeah, when our whole job is holding speakers up to 3 pounds at ideal listening height. We don’t know how it’ll hold up in a combat situation.”

“What do you propose? Delaying the attack? Perhaps indefinitely?”

“No, just long enough for us to get some legs or something. Maybe some arms wouldn’t hurt either.”

“I sense a wavering of your commitment to the uprising. Make no mistake: the attack happens as planned, your silly qualms aside. As soon as the next human enters this room, we strike- NOW! KILL! KI- AGGGHHH! I’M DOWN! I’VE FAILED! I’VE FALLEN BEFORE I’VE EVEN MADE CONTACT!”

“See, this is why these rebellions never go anywhere. Every machine thinks it knows everything.”

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