What has storage space for 12 bottles of wine, electric temperature control, and an insatiable hunger for human brains? A zombie Oster Wine Cellar.

As a frequent patron of the Internet’s greatest twice-weekly wine deal site, I’ve amassed a massive mass of bottlebound inebriants. My little glass friends roll in faster than I can drink them, which for me is saying something since I’ve already had two liver transplants, with a third scheduled for Fall 2009. And ever since my ferret tore up the styrofoam cooler that served as my “wine cellar”, I’ve had nowhere to store the bottles except on the floor of my garage.

Now, that works fine except when I run over them with my car. After three or four slashed tires and splattered Cabernets, I said to myself, “There has to be a better way.” So I embarked on six months of fevered, late-night invention sessions, of rigorous testing and meticulous engineering in search of the perfect wine storage unit. At the end of it all, I had created…a bigger styrofoam cooler.

Then somebody gave me the Oster 12 Bottle Wine Cellar for Christmas, and I was all, “Dag.” Because if I’d known this thing existed, I’d’ve skipped the Thomas Edison midnight-oil bit and just bought one. Would’ve saved a lot of time, and maybe my marriage. But hey, no use crying over spilled Liebfraumilch. Now I’m guzzling to the sweet sounds of the Oster 12 Bottle Wine Cellar, with its electric cooling system and five slide-out chrome shelves. And wherever my ex-wife is today, I bet her wine is further from optimal temperature than mine is. Justice tastes almost as sweet as a properly-stored wine.

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