So it’s come to this. This Performance Tool W5739 Quick-Line Laser Level belongs to the elite class of consumer goods that have earned a one-star rating on Amazon. It’s not easy to land in such exalted company, but before you shut down your PC in disgust, let’s look a little closer. It turns out that the one-star rating is based on exactly one customer review, and this particular customer seems somewhat less than trustworthy. Let’s break his comment down, shall we?

First, the review title: “everything is crooked now”. This implies a serious problem of vision or equilibrium on the part of the reviewer, possibly caused by ingesting large amounts of psychedelic drugs. In any case, the Performance Tool W5739 Quick-Line Laser Level can’t possibly be responsible for “everything” being “crooked”. It’s a powerful tool, but it cannot warp the fabric of reality.

Then, the reviewer signs himself “A home improvement enthusiast”. The use of a pseudonym raises a red flag: who are you working for, mystery man? Cui bono? Besides, Home Improvement was one of the worst sitcoms of the 1990s, raising crucial questions of judgement on the part of this “enthusiast”.

Finally, the one-line contents of his review: “Bottom line: When the built-in level is level, the laser line is not. Makes a great paperweight.” We’re not sure what “bottom line” he’s looking at; the built-in level should be calibrated using the two little lines in the middle of the fluid container. And who uses paperweights anymore? Such an archaic tool implies that the reviewer is unfamiliar with modern technology like the Performance Tool W5739 Quick-Line Laser Level. You wouldn’t ask a Cro-Magnon which video card you should buy, so why take this Luddite’s word about the quality of this laser level?

We hope we’ve convincingly demolished this know-nothing booger-flick at the integrity of the Performance Tool W5739 Quick-Line Laser Level. But if you need one more reason to buy it, how about this: the Woot-Off can’t continue until it’s sold out.

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