The Koolatron FF01C Portable Sonar Fish Finder uses sound to track down the most popular meeting spots. Which is kind of the same method you’d use to find a really good party, only applied to fish.

“Ravin’, I’m ravin’, I’m ravin’ ravin’ rav- oh, sorry, dude.”

“Yeah, well, watch those glowsticks, all right, crabby? It’s so crowded in this seabed, you shouldn’t be… hey, who’s stroking my back? Quit that! What are you doing that for?”

“Ohhhh wowwww, are you like, a rainbow trout? Wow, that’s so great that you can be secure in your, you know, sexuality? And all those colors on you, they’re tooooooootally blowing my mind.”

“What? Get your tail off me, seahorse! Let go! What’s even going on here? Why is everybody gathered in this seaweed bed and acting crazy?”

“Can’t you hear it, maaan? It’s the sound! It’s coming from evvvvveryyyywherrrrre, from within us and without us and from the world above, like it’s the second summer of love happening all over again!”

“Ravin’, I’m ravin’, I’m ravin’ ravin’ rav- oh, sorry, dude.”

“For real, crab, knock it off. I don’t want to have to tell you again. Hey, flounder, you’ve always seemed cool, what’s going on up there?”

“A load of crap is what. That fisherman right above us has a Koolatron FF01C Portable Sonar Fish Finder and he’s using it to scan for fish. It’s small enough to fit in the palm of your hand but powerful enough to scan through fiberglass hulls and ice. And for some reason, the signal of this one sounds like early 90’s techno music.”

“A Koolatron FF01C Portable Sonar Fish Finder? That’s crazy!”

“I know! Why couldn’t it be playing Anthrax or Metallica? Then you and me could be doubleteam poundin’ in a fishy mosh pit! Woo! But instead, it’s this crap. And that easy-to-read LCD backlight doesn’t help at all. Everybody just thinks they’ve turned on the strobes or something.”

“Ravin’, I’m ravin’, I’m ravin’ ravin’ rav- oh, sorry, dude.”

“Crab! Seriously! Back off! Back way off! Flounder, are we in any danger from these sound waves?”

“What? Aw, no, man, it’s just sound. It’s the same as always, you know, just don’t go up to the hook and you’re fine. We’re not in any danger from the Koolatron FF01C Portable Sonar Fish Finder, we normally can’t even hear it. I guess the one up there is just special. But, man, why did it have to sound like dance music?”

“Heyyyyy, you want to go out back and touch this piece of seaweed? It’s soooooo amaaaaaazing.”

“No, no, thank you, seahorse, no. Listen, flounder, I think I’m gonna get out of here. This Koolatron FF01C Portable Sonar Fish Finder scene makes me uncomfortable. I’m really more of a jazz fish.”

“Whatever, man, I can’t stand that old dude stuff. But I feel you on the leaving. I’d go myself, but I’m trying to figure out where that clownfish over there hid her egg cluster. How come all the hot fish wind up with the jerkface anemones, anyway? That poisonous plant don’t deserve a fine piece of seafood like her.”

“Yeah, that’s just evolution, I guess. But good luck with that, flounder. And I hope this Koolatron FF01C Portable Sonar Fish Finder doesn’t get you caught.”

“Ha-HA! I hear that, bro! Swim fast, die young! Woooo!”

“Okay, have a good- ow! My eye! My eye! There’s a glowstick in my eye!”

“Ravin’, I’m ravin’, I’m ravin’ ravin’ rav- oh, sorry, dude.”

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