Happy Birthday, Philip K. Dick! Today we’ll be celebrating you posthumously, thanks to the Pyrex Easy Grab™ 19-Piece Bakeware Set.

Normally, your birthday can’t be properly celebrated, can it, Philip K. Dick? A guy like you, thinking the thoughts you did, how can you express that in just a single cake? But we’ve put a little thought into this, and we’ve done the math, so we’re pretty sure anyone could use the Pyrex Easy Grab™ 19-Piece Bakeware Set to make a cake worthy of your career and legacy. Let’s demonstrate with a list, okay?

First up, you’d need the 1.5qt Loaf Dish. Now, let’s make it clear how all the parts of this Pyrex 19-Piece Bakeware Set are oven safe, microwave safe, fridge safe, freezer safe and dishwasher safe. The reality is that this 1.5qt Loaf Dish is perfect for cooking everything loaf-like, from bread to meatloaf. But when did you and reality ever completely intersect? So we’re gonna fill the 1.5qt Loaf Dish up with loose cherries.

That’s right, cherries! For a delicious pie! It’s a dessert that dates back to Roman times. Can you make a cherry pie, Phil me boy, Phil me boy? You enjoyed the occasional italic digression, didn’t you, Phil? Or was that Alfred Bester? Sometimes it can get confusing for us since you’re both so influential and cool.

Anyway, once the cherry pie is… well, heated a bit, take it out, and put it in the 3qt Oblong Dish. That’s right, just drop it in there. Then use the 1 1/2qt Mixing Bowl to whip up some chocolate cake batter. You got it, Phil. We’re gonna bury an ancient Roman desert beneath the modern symbol of decadence. And bake the whole thing into a single slab. Are you catching on? Is this a dessert… or an adventure?

Well, actually, it’s both. See, a guy like you, who often dealt with layers of reality and questioned if a thing was really the thing it appeared to be, you need a birthday cake that didn’t even exist until the 21st Century. You need a cherpumple, the newly-legendary cake they call the turducken of desserts. The sort of cake that requires a Pyrex 19-Piece Bakeware Set to create it. You’ll be whipping pumpkins into yellow cake in the remaining 1qt Mixing Bowl while heating the apple-pie-in-a-spice-cake in the 2qt Oblong dish. You’ll stack the layers while finishing the icing in the 8” Square Dish and then a smoosh of delicious gloss will belie the horrifying truth that this “cake” is not what it seems. And then, finally, you’ll lay out the four 10oz Custard Cups because that’ll be the only thing left clean. Invite your guests to come eat their fill! And laugh at the shock when the tasty twist explodes across their palate! You’ve just blown their minds… again!

Philip K. Dick, happy birthday to you. Even though you’ve moved on, your work stays as strong as ever. And, incidentally, congratulations! Why? Because not every man requires a dessert composed of infinite possibilities. We’re just sorry you couldn’t be here to take a bite in person.

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