LONDON, UK (Fabricated Press) – Illusionist, performance artist, and general public irritant Blaine Davis announced Saturday that he will continue his quest to break the world record for consecutive days spent inside a portable toilet.

As of Saturday, Davis had not left the porta-potty for 19 days. The current record of 24 days is held by Greg Zisk, a Californian who remained seated on a similar toilet from April 4 – 28, 1983 while visiting Tijuana, Mexico. Zisk later claimed his feat was involuntary.

“When I realized I couldn’t keep a DVD, a VCR, and a CD player in such a confined space, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go on,” a clearly exhausted Davis proclaimed through a loudspeaker atop the specially-constructed fiberglass commode in Fitzroy Square. “These stunts get really boring without something decent to watch and some righteous tuneage, you know?

“But then a very generous benefactor sent in the RCA DVD Recorder/VCR Combo,” Davis continued, “so I was able to free up just enough space to keep going. Not only will it play DVD, DVD+R/RW, DVD-R/RW, VHS, CD, MP3-CD, VCD, and SVCD formats, it will also dub VHS recordings to DVD+R/RW with one touch of a button. The 181-channel TV tuner with direct-to-DVD recording makes sure I never miss an episode of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, even if I pass out from the fumes in here.”

Standing by with a team of medics, Dr. Charlton Tottenham of the Royal Society for the Amelioration of Art Damage noticed an improvement in Davis’s condition within an hour of the RCA combo’s delivery. “We think the optical Dolby Digital and DTS output have done wonders for Mr. Davis’s psychological health,” he said. “And that’s not even mentioning the 30-second commercial skip feature, although I should think he would just as well watch the adverts. It’s not as if he’s got anything else to do.”

The emotional toll of the stunt was evident in Davis’s voice as he made the defiant announcement. “I call myself a magician,” he said in a wavering voice, “but it’s you people who make the real magic happen. Catholics and Anglicans, Eurotrance listeners and hard jungle listeners, Millwall supporters and West Ham supporters – all united in wonderment at the wonder of my wondrous performance.”

In response, an estimated eight passersby briefly turned their heads toward Davis before continuing on their various ways.

“I may be the one inside this portajohn,” Davis sobbed, “but every one of you is locked in the portajohn in my heart.”

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