The President sighed. He’d hoped to avoid this. But what choice did he have now? Americans everywhere were threatened by high-price, low-power mobile computing, and the enemy of America’s enemies was his friend.

“Send in Agent Q1.”

As always, the President was surprised by how small Agent Q1 really was. But the rogue operative carried himself with the swagger of a much larger man, or a man the same size on stilts.

The President began: “Listen, Q1 -”

“Please, I’d prefer if you used my full name,” Agent Q1 impudently interrupted.

“Fine, fine. Samsung Q1 Ultra Mobile PC, it’s no secret that we’ve had our differences. You’re a maverick, a loose cannon, a potential nightmare.”

“But sometimes,” Q1 interjected, “a nightmare is just what this country needs to wake it up.”

“That’s exactly why you’re here. Your mission: to bring potent mobile PC features to the people, at a reasonable price. With your 40GB hard drive, your 7” 800×480 touchscreen, and your virtual keyboard, I think you’re the only agent for the job.”

Agent Q1 lit a Phillies cheroot and considered the offer. Rolling the cigar between fingers protruding from fingerless leather gloves, he finally spoke. “I’m going to need a few things. If I take the job, I mean.”

“What, specifically?”

“Weapons. Equipment. Supplies. Load me up with Windows XP Tablet PC Edition 2005, integrated 10/100 Ethernet, 802.11b/g wireless and Bluetooth 2.0. I’ll also need a speedboat, a South Korean passport, eight cases of Cadbury Creme Eggs – the originals, not the ones with chocolate or caramel filling – and four trained snake wranglers. No, make that five snake wranglers.”

The President was baffled. “But…why…”

“Look, Your Highness, I didn’t ask why you needed James Brown bumped off, did I?,” Agent Q1 retorted. “Leave the details to me.”

After a pause, the President gave in. “Fine, fine,” he conceded, throwing up his hands. He didn’t have time to get into a whole big thing with Q1. There was a MENSA meeting starting in half an hour, and then after that Steve Weinberg and Dave Deutsch were coming by to discuss some exciting new findings in theoretical physics. Time to wrap this up. “Whatever you need. But I expect results.”

Agent Q1 just laughed, flung his cheroot onto the floor, and left the Oval Office. Five hundred billion years later, the universe exploded.

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