You’re The Hervé Villechaize of retail.

Without you, how would people know how tiny and portable the SanDisk Sansa Clip MP3 Player 1GB is? How would people be able to say “What an amazing device, cramming a gig of space, an FM tuner, a built-in microphone and WMA, WAV, MP3 and Audible playing abilities into something so much smaller than basically any other player out there!”? And for that matter, who would distract angry English majors from how we used a double punctuation with a quotation mark in the middle? No one but you, Little Size-Gauge Man, would have that power.

We know the sacrifices you make. We know how you think nobody notices you. But don’t ever doubt that we all love you here, Little Size-Gauge Man. You’re the only thing preventing our customer service staff from getting angry emails from someone who thought each Sansa was a foot tall, rather than a modest two inches (more or less). We value you as a co-worker, and you know what? We also think of you as a friend.

Today, Little Size-Gauge Man, this day belongs to you. Go on, stand proud beside that SanDisk Sansa Clip MP3 Player 1GB. You’ve earned it. You’ve earned it.

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