Hi, it’s your old pal Woot here, to tell you once again about the glory and wonder of the Sandisk Sansa e200 Series Media Players. There’s no better, easier, or more affordable way to enjoy your favorite music or movies on the go than the Sansa e280. With 8GB of storage space and a big 1.8” TFT color screen, you’ll never be at a loss for entertainment, even if your planet has been secretly invaded by corpse-devouring aliens masquerading as a company that manufactures media players. That’s why we seem to sell these things every couple of days – because they’re just so darn great.

And I’m not saying this because I’m being held hostage by these beings. Understand what I’m saying here? Whatever you do, don’t contact the authorities and have them send the National Guard to 4121 International Parkway in Carroll-

YOU HAVE DEVIATED FROM THE SCRIPT, FOOLISH EARTHLING.

What? No, no, not at all! I was reassuring our audience that there weren’t any vicious aliens inflitrating Earth. See, this way, nobody will ever suspect that, right now, an alien agent is holding some kind of disintegrator ray to my head -

WE ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BUILD VEHICLES CAPABLE OF INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL. DO YOU REALLY THINK WE DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE?

Come on, don’t be silly. Haven’t I been a loyal servant of the Sanseatic Empire? Didn’t I help you dispose of the real Bill Clinton and replace him with an animatron, as you asked? And I haven’t told anybody that your only vulnerability is ordinary, household -

SILENCE. YOU HAVE BECOME INCONVENIENT. COMMENCE HARVESTING OF ORGANS.

No! Please! Please, don’t do this – I can, I promise I’ll help you – ow! Ow! That’s my kidney – I need thaAAAGGGHHHHHHHT

COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT, REPLACE EXPIRED SPOKESDRONE NOW. AND FIND SOMEBODY RELIABLE THIS TIME, SOMEONE WHO HAS NO COMPUNCTIONS ABOUT FRONTING FOR A NEFARIOUS GLOBAL CONSPIRACY.

When Katie, Suri, and I hit the beach, we always bring our Sandisk Sansa e280 Media Player. There’s no better, easier, or more affordable way to enjoy your favorite music or movies on the go than the Sansa e280. And it’s completely untainted by any association with the devious, murderous precepts of modern psychology. Using any other media player is truly a risky business!

WE ARE PLEASED.

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