You gotta go with the Seebach.

C’mon, look at this SanDisk Sansa 2 GB mp3 player. It’s straight out of 1978. Actually it’s a refurb, so that might not be far off, but regardless it’s BEGGING for some kitschy tunes. That’s why I’m going with Apache. Yes, cheesy Danish ‘70s rock counts as kitsch.

This thing looks like the tux my dad got married in. Oh man, what if I put some Lonnie Devantier on here? So ironically hip! I’ve got some Fenders tunes I can put on here, too. It’s a shame I’ve only got 2 GB to play with; I’ll have to pick and choose which Laban jams are going on here.

I mean, it’s got 20 presets for the FM tuner, but who would listen to radio when you can’t mock the predictably earnest-yet-foolish-sounding ballads of Denmark? I can even use the built-in microphone to record my own scathing observations about how deliciously trite I find the music. All that on one AAA battery.

Sometimes I can’t hide my excitement about things no matter how hard I try.

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