”...just a small-town girl…just a small-town girl…we don’t need another holding out for a hero…holding out for a Billie Jean is not just wanna have fun…”

“What happened to Kurt?”

“It’s sad, really. Really, really sad.”

”...born down in dead man’s town…born down in the middle of our street…born down in a ran so far away…come on Eileen let’s get physical…”

“You know how the Sandisk Sansa m260 4GB MP3 Player can hold, like, 900 or so MP3s?”

“Sure, who doesn’t?”

“Well, Kirk took that as a challenge. He loaded it up with his 900 favorite ‘80s songs and was determined to listen to them all straight through. That’s 64 solid hours of music. He only stopped for a few minutes every 19 hours to put in a new AAA battery.”

”...pass the pass the dutchie dutchie…let’s hear it for the Tarzan boy…ain’t no nothing gonna break my Tarzan boy…”

“Unbelievable.”

“He seemed to be doing fine up until about hour 35, when he started raving about how Billy Ocean and Eddy Grant had to be the same guy.”

“Well, his mind isn’t the first to be shattered by ‘Caribbean Queen’.”

”...the Tarzan kid is hot tonight I celebrate my love…just can’t shake your love is a battlefield…”

“Then, around hour 47, he was convinced Huey Lewis was there in the room with him, taunting him, mocking his manhood. When Kurt started waving the butcherknife around, that’s when we called the authorities. They did what they could, but he’s never been the same since.”

“Poor Kurt. He should’ve heeded the wisdom of the ancients: the Sandisk Sansa m260 can be a force for great good…or great evil.”

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