Good job, kids! You guys made it all the way around the track without crashing a whole ten times! Just 164,990 revolutions to go to see who wins!

What? You guys can’t be done already! The race just got started! I thought you two loved NASCAR racing, but clearly I was mistaken. Jacob, didn’t you say you wanted to be a race car driver when you got older? And what about you, Haley? I remember you saying you wanted to be the first female to win a championship someday. Well, you don’t see the pros just pull over and quit because they’re bored after a few measly trips around the track, do you? Of course not.

Come on now, pick your officially licensed NASCAR® SCX Superspeedway Set controllers and let’s get back to the action. If my math is correct, you both still have a long way to go if you’re going to race five hundred miles along all 16 feet of track this evening, and I don’t want to hear one complaint about it. You didn’t hear Matt Kenseth complaining when his #17 Ford Fusion DeWalt Yellow car crossed the Daytona 500 finish line, did you? Yes, Haley, I know he’s sponsored by another company now, but that car isn’t in this set and I’m trying to make a point here.

Fine! Just turn your back on your dreams! But you both better believe me when I tell you that the next time you want to “be” something, I’m definitely not going to go out of my way to help you achieve that goal. And that includes college, kids! Remember that!

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