But do they absorb…ANYTHING?

“Just what are you gettin’ at?”

I like to ask the tough questions, is all. If I’m gonna plunk down some coin on this here ShamWow! 8-Pack I want to make sure I’m gettin’ my money’s worth. And I’d better get my money’s worth for purchasin’ a product that insists on putting an exclamation point in its name.

“Fine. What do you wanna know?”

They absorbent?

“Ain’t you never seen the infomercial with the nutjob that smacked around that prostitute? They hold 12 times their weight in liquid.”

Fine, fine. They scratchy?

“Nah. You can use ‘em to wash, dry, or polish any surface.”

They a one time use thing?

“Aw c’mon, get outta here. They’re totally machine washable. You can even bleach ‘em. Just make sure you air dry ‘em.”

They absorb blood?

“What?”

I’m talkin’ copious amounts of blood. Say a man found his way to paintin’ the room of a hotel with some human life force.

“I. I don’t. Blood?”

See? This is why you ask questions ahead of time, before you’re caught in the heat of the moment with some chamois that won’t cut the blood mustard.

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