Witness the most miraculous healing device in history!

That’s right, folks, it’s the amazing Sharper Image TENS Back Pain Relief System! Razzle at its ability to provide temporary relief for pain associated with sore and aching muscles! Dazzle at its Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation! It’s noninvasive, nonaddictive, incredibly effective and has no risk of side effects like some pain medications might!

“How’s it work?”

I’m glad you asked, young lady! You see, the TENS system uses electrodes to pulse electrical current that you modulate and control through your skin to your aching muscles below!

“So it just shoots electricity into me?”

That’s correct sir!

“That sounds terrible. I usually try to avoid that.”

Well this isn’t like sticking a knife into a socket, good lady. This is a low intensity electrical stimulation to obtain analgesia. We’re not frying bacon, here! We just want to stimulate the release of endorphins to suppress your chronic or acute pain!

“I bought one of these last week, and you didn’t mention any of that! You said it puts up road blocks or something!”

Ah, uh, a satisfied customer! You see the TENS system might also shut down the nervous system “gates” that transfer pain to your brain! Thereby eliminating it entirely!

“So you don’t really even know how this thing works?”

No one does!

“And it, could, possibly, shut down parts of my nervous system?”

Only the gates, my boy, only the gates!

“And it doesn’t actually heal anything; it just makes it so I can’t feel pain that may be a symptom of something I really should see a doctor about?”

Well naturally, sir, who here among us would see a doctor about pain you cannot feel?!

…

“I want one!”

“Me too!”

“I’ll take two!”

That’s it, that’s it step right up ladies and germs, no reason to crowd, plenty to go ‘round!

Hey, in all seriousness…

We here at Woot don’t like to break character too often, but in the interest of hopefully not causing you bodily harm, if you buy this there are some places you definitely absolutely should not put it:

• On broken skin or open wounds
• In your mouth
• On or near your eyes
• On each of your temples
• On the front of your neck
• On or near your trigeminal nerve (wherever that is) if you have a history of trigeminal neuralgia (whatever that is)
• On your pregnant belly
• Anywhere at all on your body if you’ve got a pacemaker

No, really:

Warning!
Do not use this system if you have a cardiac pace maker, implanted defibrillator or any other implanted metallic or electronic device. Do not use this System if you have undiagnosed chronic pain. If pregnant, consult physician prior to use. Children should not use this device keep out of reach of children.

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