Look, Brian, we need to talk. Now, you know we all have a blast at your backyard film festivals – that all-night Police Academy-fest was legendary, and as for your retrospective screening of the films of Jim “Ernest” Varney, well, everybody on Oakcrest Circle owes you a debt of gratitude. You’re a cultural hero.

But projecting the movies on the side of your garage isn’t cutting it anymore. For one thing, it’s yellow. I spent the first 45 minutes of Ernest Goes To Reykjavik wondering who the Chinese dude in the baseball hat was. For another thing, it’s covered in siding, so the picture has all these lines all through it, like where the siding panels end or whatever. You know what I’m trying to say.

So we passed the hat and took up a collection to buy you a Sima 90” Inflatable Home Theater Screen. It comes with an air pump that inflates it in just a few minutes, and then you’ve got a big, white, weatherproof 16×9 screen, measuring in at a colossal 90 diagonal inches. And hey, it includes all the ropes and crap you need to keep it from blowing away.

Nah, don’t mention it. Least we could do. But, listen, it did kinda bite into the old pocketbook, so we won’t be bringing any beer to movie night for, like, the next four or five years. If you could grab the brew from now on, we’d all appreciate it.

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