Today please remember: not every tech company gets treated like a rockstar when they’re basically just showing you a commercial.

Oh… hi! Hi, come on in! Wow, it’s so nice of you to be here! You’re the first, I guess, even though the event was supposed to start ten minutes ago. Fashionably late, right? I know how that goes. Hey, help yourself to a bagel, there’s some juice in the cooler, if you want it. There’s plenty, I bought a bunch. And hey, just sit anywhere you want, okay? There’s no hurry at all, I’ve got this room until four.

You know, when I announced I was doing my SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter press conference on March 2nd, I knew it wasn’t going to be the event of the season, but I figured I’d at least get some tech bloggers in here. How about you, who are you with? Oh, you’re just a guest of the hotel. No, no, this isn’t the continental breakfa- you know what, it doesn’t matter, help yourself. While you’re doing that, I’m gonna get up on stage and start my presentation. I’ll have a Q&A at the end, so anything you want to ask, feel free. No hold barred, ha ha! Oh, cups? Over there, behind the… yeah, you got ‘em.

Okay, so, here we are! Thanks for coming, everybod- I mean, sir… and it’s great to finally put faces to the names I’ve been reading for… okay, I’m just gonna skip ahead past all that, I guess. Ahem. For the past few decades, if someone wanted to get 802.11b/g/n wireless connections on their laptops or netbooks, they had to have a wireless card built in. But no more! Now, with the SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter, wireless connections are revolutionized forever! Hey, man, if you want to applaud here, I left a space for it in the notes, so… oh, you’re spreading cream cheese. Well, okay, that’s fine, you don’t have a free hand, I understand.

Um, as I was saying, the SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter takes 64/128 bit encryption and synergizes it, allowing you to finally have a USB adapter that gets you right onto a network. And setup? C’mon, it just works! Use the easy installation wizard to get your SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter up and running in no time at all, then let it scan for the network, boom! Simple as can be! And I don’t need to tell you all… sir… about how important the cloud is going to be to the future of tomorrow! Experts predict that by 2015, computers will be- oh, hi! Come on in! No, no, it’s okay, I’m happy to start again if you… oh, the pool? Well, I’m not really sure, I think it’s back that direction… right, just after the vending machines. No, happy to help. Hey, I’m having a press conference if you want to… okay, well, I guess it’s just you and me again, sir. Say, as long as we’re at a good pause point, did you have any questions about the SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter? Anything at all? I’d be happy to give you an exclusive if you want, it’s nothing we’ve announced yet officially, but each SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter will also include a 38” USB extension cable! Great feature, right? Who’s gonna turn that down? All part of the service we extend to you, the customer. We want your lifestyle to be part of our USB Wireless Network Adapter brand culture. Would you like a limited edition keychain with our corporate logo on the front? You sure? Okay, well, no pressure or anything, but if you want one later, just ask.

I guess if you don’t have any questions, we’re at the end of the… listen, I’ll be here for a few more hours if you decide you’d like to learn more about the SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter. I booked a rock band, they haven’t shown up yet, but they might, so you could just come back and check to see if they… no, it doesn’t matter, you can prop the door if you want. Hey, thanks for joining us today at this event, and if you give me your email, I’ll see you get some high-quality press photos so you can- Sir? Sir? Well, I guess he’s already gone.

At least I’ll have bagels for the next month or two. Man, I wish I knew why nobody showed up. I sent out my invitations ages ago, to all the important people and everything. I figured at least SOMEone would care about my SMC EZ Connect N Wireless USB 2.0 Adapter event. Is there some big party today that I just didn’t know about? Something that’s distracting everyone for no good reason? Where IS everybody?

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