Dear Woot, I am beginning a class action lawsuit due to your negligent sale of a SOG S31 Stainless Steel Paratool. Also, I’m posting all the details on my Facebook too.

When I first saw the SOG S31 Stainless Steel Paratool listed. I was very happy. The idea of a multi-tool with a multiple angled plier head capability was the sort of thing I dreamed of. I placed my order, then immediately ran to the pet shop. I bought the most expensive paratool cage, as well as some special paratool seed, and a little mirror, so that the paratool could admire his assorted screwdrivers all day long when I was away at work.

But when my SOG S31 Stainless Steel Paratool, I was shocked! Where were the pretty feathers? Where were the happy cheeps? Instead, there was just this hunk of durable metal with comfort grip handles and a nylon sheath to keep it in. What was this… thing? Where was my new paratool?

Woot, make no mistake, whatever you said you were selling, it was not what I thought I was buying, and that makes YOU liable. Once upon a time you were a fun site that sold nothing but puppies and marshmallows all day long. But then, after the deal, everything changed, and I can’t remember the last time you sold a puppy! I can’t possibly be remembering wrong, can I? Remember, if you answer that in the negative, it’s just bad customer service.

Woot, I will see you before the Supreme Court this October. As God is my witness, I will have my SOG S31 Stainless Steel Paratool. And not the one I ordered, the one I meant to order. With a beak. And wings.

Sincerely,
A. Valued Customer

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