Yes, I know your name is William, but that’s just how these letters start out.

You’ve finally done it. I can’t take the pain any longer. I was stupid to give you another chance after lying to me about sleeping with my best friend. And my sister. And the bartender from the pub down the street. I was just trying to be the bigger person. That was a mistake. I see that now.

I’ll concede that you tried. The flowers were nice. The chocolates were decadent. And when I saw the Soundmaster Sound Theater with iPod dock you’d bought me, I was very excited.

It seemed so perfect. The connectivity to our tv, satellite, cable box, and video game systems thrilled me. It’s powerful 100 Watts RMS audio output and eight-inch ported subwoofer would’ve made nights on the couch all that much more exciting. And when I read the box, my heart swelled with the knowledge that I could love you forever. You know I’ve always wanted a Sound Theater with a built-in alarm clock and AM/FM radio. More than anything else, it’s what I wanted, not just for me, but for US.

I should’ve known it was just another one of your lies. Even though it said so on the box, THIS SYSTEM DOES NOT COME WITH BUILT-IN ALARM CLOCK OR AM/FM RADIO. Caps lock can hardly convey my anger about this, or my dissapointment.

Did you do this just to hurt me? Are emotions just pieces in some sick Parcheesi game you like to play with those who just try to love you?

No more, William. I’m leaving and I’m taking the Soundmaster Sound Theater. It’s still a pretty fantastic gift, even if it has been tainted with LIES.

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