Well, well. You’re finally home. Where you have you been? Wait – don’t answer that. Don’t bother. I know all about it. I know that tramp Mary Smith has been calling again. How? I checked the caller ID on our Southwestern Bell Dual Handset 5.8Ghz Phone.

Don’t try to deny it. I’m not an idiot. Or maybe I am. I’ve been sitting here waiting, carrying one of the dual handsets around with me everywhere, checking the digital answering machine, just hoping you’d call and tell me you were working late or the car had broken down. But no – I know you were with her. It’s as clear as a 5.8 GHz cordless signal. All she had to do was call and you went running into her arms. You make me sick.

Save your worthless apologies. I deserve better. I’ve had enough of your running around. This relationship is like this cordless phone system: it’s not expandable. So get out. Go. Now. Have a great time with Mary Smith. I’ve taken enough of your crap. Now I’m taking my dignity, my pride, and my Southwestern Bell Dual Handset 5.8Ghz Phone.

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