You got your basic two-handed analog watch, OK? That’s like the six o’clock network news. Brass fanfare: Baa baa bup-baaaa, baa bup-baaa baaa bup baaaa—it comes on and tells you the basic story about what’s going on. Like it’s four forty-two. Or it’s twenty to noon. Whatever.

Then you got your sweet Technomarine jobbie we’re selling here. It’s like some kind of sexed-up 24-hour cable news program with animated infographics, the latest stock numbers and a non-stop crawl at the bottom of the screen. I mean, check this sucker out. It’s got three subdials. It’s got a date display. It’s got two crimson second hands—we call them the first second hand and the second second hand.

Of course, the problem with 24-hour cable news channels is that they’re working with a lot more airtime than the network guys, but the same amount of news. So after it’s reported, you get about 23 hours of punditry, speculation, and empty babbling.

And that’s a problem with this watch, too, if you want to call it a problem. Basically all you’re ever going to look at it for is to find out what time it is, for which you don’t need any subdials at all, let alone three. The thing is, though, during those 23 hours every day when you’re not using your watch to discover the time, you’re using it to make an impression, and this Technomarine timekeeper makes a distinct one: It says “I’m the kind of dude who feeds on information to a triple-subdial extent, so screw with me at your own peril.”

Back to top