I bet SOMEBODY’S feeling pretty sheepish about breaking up with me just before we got lost in the desert, huh, Shelly?

Mmmm. Gosh, this water is so refreshing! I mean, it’s just absolutely thirst quenching, it really is. Boy, I’d hate to be someone who had a boyfriend who thoughtfully packed extra water for her before their big desert hike together, but then decided to break up with said boyfriend by revealing she’s been sleeping with her school friend Tyler after that boyfriend accidentally lost the map back to the car. That would really suck. But then I guess you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Shelly?

Gee, do you remember several hours ago when we were still together? We were so happy when we bought these matching Thermos Roho 24 Ounce Hydration Bottles. MATCHING, Shelly, just like our dreams and wishes used to be before you made the choice to betray our love. And to think, if you’d just come clean about the whole thing, we probably wouldn’t be out here. You’d be comfortably moving on with your life instead of suffering from dehydration, and I’d be picking up the pieces of my heart instead of holding these two BPA-free, single wall stainless steel hydration bottles filled with crisp, clean, life-giving water just out of your weakened reach. Funny how things work out, huh?

Of course, I guess you could decide to take me back and love me forever like you promised you would, even while you were sleeping with Tyler. I could maybe find it in my heart to share water with someone who’d seen the error of her ways. Yeah, I think I could do that. But of course, that’s your decision to make. Say, did Tyler happen to put any extra water in your bag? No? That’s a shame. You should really take it up with him when we get back to civilization. Well, if we get back to civilization.

Back to top