In the digital age, it’s all about up. Those mushrooms raise your life up. Those medipacks raise your health up. Those cans of spinach raise your power up. Shooting that alien makes your score go up. And the refurbished Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable makes your video go up. Wait, really? Did someone really write this?

klik You don’t like it?

That’s terrible. Was there ever even a game with cans of spinach?

klik Popeye did, I think.

Okay, well, that is logical, but still. Can we try page two?

klik Page two, coming up.

Great, thanks. Maybe this one will work better.

klik Whenever you’re ready.

He blew into town like a summer storm. The Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable. He had one thing on his refurbished mind: upscaling DVDsville once and for all. 720p, 1080i, 1080p, he didn’t care, he’d handle them all. As he walked down the no, no, no, this one is just as bad.

klik That was going pretty well, I thought.

Yeah, but it’s just… I mean, there’s no heart, you know? Let’s try page three.

klik Page three, ready.

“No tv tuner?” Patsy whispered in shock. “But… but how do you record?”
“Patsy, darling Patsy!” Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable replied, moving to hold her close. “I have a DV port for camcorders! You’ll see, we’ll live on love!”
“No, Tosh!” Patsy exclaimed as she pushed him away. “I loved you for your recording feature, but now I see it was all a lie! Because… what good are you to me… like this!” See, Jack, they aren’t getting any better here.

klik Well, what are you expecting?

I don’t know, Jack. I mean, I might be new here, but… you know, they asked me to come read these and… can’t they get that guy who writes for shirt.woot? He always does good copy over there.

klik He’s in Hollywood this week.

Hollywood, great. I was there for a while myself, you know. I was there for quite a while.

klik Yeah, and now you’re here, so let’s talk about the included HDMI cable.

I don’t need this, Jack. You know? I really don’t need this.

klik You know where the door is.

So that’s it, huh Jack? Sixteen years of friendship all smashed up over a stupid Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable.

klik I went out on a limb to get you this job, Barry. When Sharon called to tell me that

Sharon! She put you up to this? Well, that’s just great.

klik Barry, where are you… Barry… Barry, don’t you walk out on this… Barry, Barry, this is your career, Barry, this is your… Barry! Barry, calm down, man, she was just… she was worried! Barry! Aw, hell.

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