WE’RE HERE TO BRING YOU AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT WHAT SORT OF LEGACY YOU WANT TO LEAVE.

EVERYONE SHOULD FOLLOW THEIR PASSION, WHEREVER THAT MIGHT TAKE THEM, BUT IF YOUR PASSION IS A MIX OF CELEBRITY AND COMMERCIALISM THEN YOU CAN WIND UP IN SOME WEIRD GIGS, LIKE SERVING AS A PITCHMAN FOR INFOMERCIALS AND BIZARRE “NICHE PRODUCTS.

AND THAT’S NOT SUCH A BAD LOT IN LIFE, PARTICULARLY IF YOU’RE REALLY GOOD AT IT AND BECOME SUCCESSFUL. PEOPLE WILL COME TO SORT OF LIKE YOU, AND MAY EVEN TRUST YOUR OPINION ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS VIDALIA SLICE WIZARD FROM AS SEEN ON TV PRODUCTS. THEY’LL REACH FOR THEIR CREDIT CARDS AFTER HEARING HOW IT’S “SAFER AND EASIER THAN A KNIFE,” HOW YOU CAN SLICE OR JULIENNE THICK AND THIN, AND HOW YOU CAN EVEN MINCE STUFF.

BUT WHEN YOU’RE IN THE BUSINESS OF SALES, THE RULES CHANGE, AND IF YOU EVER MEET A TRAGIC AND UNTIMELY END, YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR FAMILY WILL BE LEFT BEHIND TO SEE THINGS LIKE YOUR GRINNING PHOTO ADORNING PACKAGING FOR INFOMERCIAL PRODUCTS LONG AFTER YOU’VE DIED.

AND TO BE HONEST, WE THINK THAT KINDA SUCKS.

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