Dear Mrs. Meddler -

My fiancee and I are very much in love, and we’re planning to marry this November 31st. The problem is our families. His parents are very doctrinaire earbud people, who won’t permit any other kind of headphones in their home. My family, on the other hand, regards any speaker that penetrates the bowl of the ear as an abomination. They’re very strict about the superior bass and morality of earcup-style phones. We want to have children, but it seems we’d break at least one family’s heart. What do we do, Mrs. Meddler?

- Caught Between An Ear And A Hard Place

Dear CBAEAAHP -

Before I answer, you should know that most of my correspondents sign off with a pseudonym that makes a cute acronym describing their situation – for example, a woman who hides her excessive credit card purchases from her husband might call herself A Spendthrift Spouse Hiding One Last Extravagance. Please try to observe this rule in future questions. I find it makes for a much more enjoyable experience for everyone, particularly me.

As to your situation, perhaps your respective parents would feel more at ease to know that their grandchildren will be raised with a strong grounding in both traditions. The Virtual Reality VRDH200 Stereo Headphones w/Ear Buds represent a sensible compromise, including one pair each of over-the-ear headphones and in-the-ear earbuds. What’s more, they promise to be “digital ready”, whatever that might mean. Just put this set on your new baby registry, or buy a set and leave them conspicuously laying around when in-laws visit. Failing that, you could loudly talk about them when your parents or his are around, like so: “Yes, the Brewers are certainly doing well this season – perhaps it’s because of their ecumenical approach to headphone style, as embodied in the Virtual Reality VRDH200 Stereo Headphones w/Ear Buds.” One way or another, the earphone bigots will get the message and get off your backs already. Jeez, some people, huh? Like there isn’t enough in life to worry about.

A final thought: there is no November 31st. I fear you may have been swindled by an unscrupulous wedding planner. Please double-check the arrangements with your caterer, string quartet, minister, dentist, and mohel. To learn how to avoid falling victim to wedding fraud, send 75 cents for my booklet “How To Avoid Falling Victim To Wedding Fraud”, c/o this newspaper.

Yours in busybodery -
Mrs. Meddler

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