Better green with envy than green snot with a sinus infection, I always say.

"Man! Why do whole room evaporative humidifiers get to have all the fun?"

I'm sorry … was that a serious question?

"Hells yeah! How cool would it be to be able to pull in large volumes of harsh, dry air and then POOF! Humidified air."

Well, it doesn't really happen just like that. The Vornado has deep-pitched blades to help out, not to mention its signature Vortex Action.

"See! That's what I'm talking about! Why can't I have some cool super power like VORTEX ACTION? I'd be all circulating humidified air all throughout this biznatch!"

Dude, no one says biznatch anymore.

"But NOOOO. I don't have Vortex Action, so I can't provide complete and balanced humidification. The most I can do is fog up this one little patch of window with my hot breath. *HAAAAAAAAAAAAA* See! So not even fair."

Are you … are you REALLY jealous of this inanimate object?

"Hey! Don't you talk about the Evap 2 that way. It can humidify up to 600 square feet. That's, like, 599 square feet more than you or I can humidify."

I cannot argue with that.

"I know, right?"

Still, this kinda feels like that time you were jealous of that crazy guy we met on the bus.

"His name was 'The Duke McFatDaddy'! And all my parents could come up with was 'Steve'? Psssh."

Back to top